Mouthwash
I had the fascinating chance of using the popular Listerine Mouthwash © for the first time in my life. It was a roller coaster of emotions. An experience I will most likely never forget. As if someone had written a book about me and the part where I use mouthwash is the most thrilling part of the book, the part which brings many book critics around the world to name the book, book of the year. As if someone had made a painting and of me in the bathroom and the most fascinating part of the painting is the bottle of mouthwash. It was that amazing. Better than even sex, I might add. And I never even had sex! But every good-s come with their bad-s. Every pros with their cons. As much of an enjoyable experience as it was, it was also painful. It pained me not only in the heart, but in the SOUL. I felt as if a thousand spears had been thrown right through my poor, fragile, post-mouthwash-use body. As if god himself had betrayed me. As if the whole world hated me and all the good angels in heaven abandoned me and left me all alone in this barbaric, blood-thristy, blood-driven, blood-blood society where everyone is out to get you. I was scared for my life, as if I could die at any moment. As if a bomb could be set off and I would explode. As if a sniper shot a bullet right through my skull. As if my own long-lost father had searched for me in this world all of my life only to drive a silver blade coated with gold, inscripted with a wise japanese quote right through my beating heart!
It all began when I tried to open the bottle. OH the pain. I rotated it and I rotated it and kept rotating it but it kept making clicking sounds, never opening! I was desperate! I started crying, asking for help! HELP, SOMEBODY! HELP!......But in vain, the mouthwash bottle never opened. What are you trying to comunicate to me with your mysterious clicking sounds, mouthwash bottle? What secrets could you possibly uncover with your clickety-clicks!? What adventures would you share with me through your extremely limited ways of communicating? Such a fragile tiny bottle of listerine (95 ml) trying to do such big things. It was quite motivational, I must say. Nevertheless, after countless hours of searching through the vast and complex halls of what some would call "the internet", I had found out that I had to press on the cap in two specific spots. But which spots?! The cap surely did have an image on it, but it was too confusing! Instructions are useless! With their complicated images and arrows and numbers! Why GOD?! WHY WOULD YOU PUT ME THROUGH THIS LIVING HELL?! OOOH THE HORROR! GOD. NO! Even now when I think back upon it, flashbacks of the world wars and adolf hitler leading his troops into war are flashing into my mind. Nevertheless, after meticulously pressing on the cap for what would seem like an eternity, I had successfully opened the cap. *REJOICE!* I thought! After opening the cap, the lucious blue liquid was quietly sitting in the bottle, waiting to be savoured. It was only a matter of time until my mouth was full of that sweet juice I was craving oh so badly. So there I was. It was only me and the bottle, in the intimidating halls of destiny, also known as my bathroom. *GULP* And before I knew it, the real pain had begun. I felt as if 1000 hot needles dipped in lava striked the tip of my tongue! It was burning so bad. It was worse than the flaming fires in the grounds of HELL. As if Satan himself striked my tongue with his weapon! Oh the horror! But not only did the mouthwash mercilessly strike through my tongue like a terrorist in a public place, the taste of the mouthwash was the killer for me. Oh! The taste! I hated it. I hated it so! No longer did I want the hot juice in my mouth! The taste made me spit it right out into the sink! Take it, sink! Take that traumatising experience away from me! No more! Please! PLEASE! NO MORE! I was crying and sobbing and praying to god that what just happened was just a terrible TERRIBLE dream! That I would wake up in my mother's loving arms and shake off the nightmare. But not matter how much I pinched myself I never woke up! It was real life! It was so agonizing! Never again would I try mouthwash! I must've drank whole liters of water to get rid of the taste. But no matter how much I'd try to heal my mouth, the real pain was the one I felt in my soul. And that would never heal, ever again. It was a mental scar. And that scar would forever serve as a reminder of the traumatising pain I've been through, caused by Listerine Mouthwash ©. I am now sitting here at my computer. I'm cold, I'm hungry and I'm scared. Let this be a message to everyone, to never EVER use Listerine Mouthwash ©. It was the most devastating experience of my LIFE.
It all began when I tried to open the bottle. OH the pain. I rotated it and I rotated it and kept rotating it but it kept making clicking sounds, never opening! I was desperate! I started crying, asking for help! HELP, SOMEBODY! HELP!......But in vain, the mouthwash bottle never opened. What are you trying to comunicate to me with your mysterious clicking sounds, mouthwash bottle? What secrets could you possibly uncover with your clickety-clicks!? What adventures would you share with me through your extremely limited ways of communicating? Such a fragile tiny bottle of listerine (95 ml) trying to do such big things. It was quite motivational, I must say. Nevertheless, after countless hours of searching through the vast and complex halls of what some would call "the internet", I had found out that I had to press on the cap in two specific spots. But which spots?! The cap surely did have an image on it, but it was too confusing! Instructions are useless! With their complicated images and arrows and numbers! Why GOD?! WHY WOULD YOU PUT ME THROUGH THIS LIVING HELL?! OOOH THE HORROR! GOD. NO! Even now when I think back upon it, flashbacks of the world wars and adolf hitler leading his troops into war are flashing into my mind. Nevertheless, after meticulously pressing on the cap for what would seem like an eternity, I had successfully opened the cap. *REJOICE!* I thought! After opening the cap, the lucious blue liquid was quietly sitting in the bottle, waiting to be savoured. It was only a matter of time until my mouth was full of that sweet juice I was craving oh so badly. So there I was. It was only me and the bottle, in the intimidating halls of destiny, also known as my bathroom. *GULP* And before I knew it, the real pain had begun. I felt as if 1000 hot needles dipped in lava striked the tip of my tongue! It was burning so bad. It was worse than the flaming fires in the grounds of HELL. As if Satan himself striked my tongue with his weapon! Oh the horror! But not only did the mouthwash mercilessly strike through my tongue like a terrorist in a public place, the taste of the mouthwash was the killer for me. Oh! The taste! I hated it. I hated it so! No longer did I want the hot juice in my mouth! The taste made me spit it right out into the sink! Take it, sink! Take that traumatising experience away from me! No more! Please! PLEASE! NO MORE! I was crying and sobbing and praying to god that what just happened was just a terrible TERRIBLE dream! That I would wake up in my mother's loving arms and shake off the nightmare. But not matter how much I pinched myself I never woke up! It was real life! It was so agonizing! Never again would I try mouthwash! I must've drank whole liters of water to get rid of the taste. But no matter how much I'd try to heal my mouth, the real pain was the one I felt in my soul. And that would never heal, ever again. It was a mental scar. And that scar would forever serve as a reminder of the traumatising pain I've been through, caused by Listerine Mouthwash ©. I am now sitting here at my computer. I'm cold, I'm hungry and I'm scared. Let this be a message to everyone, to never EVER use Listerine Mouthwash ©. It was the most devastating experience of my LIFE.
